FFXIII-2 Bloopers: What Could've Happened
by MarleneShadowheart
Summary: Yes folks, now you can watch the characters of FFXIII mess up AGAIN! Only this time, Noel keeps crashing into gates, Lightning's against animal rights, Alyssa really needs to stop talking to herself, Serah's almost too crazy for people to handle, and Caius...is just plain creepy. But you already knew that...


**A/N: Pardonez moi for not writing in a while, I was just busy collecting 160 FREAKIN FRAGMENTS!**

…**Not that that's made me bitter or anything…cuz it hasn't… ;)**

**Brief side note: I've decided to separate each bloop with dashes to keep it more organized and less confusing, so let me know in the comments whether or not you'd like to see it in future What Could've Happeneds or if you think it looks like Caius's Man-Uggs. :P**

**Disclaimers: I do not own Final Fantasy XIII-2…if I did, I wouldn't make you collect 160 FREAKIN-**

* * *

_Valhalla: ? AF…  
_Caius Ballad gently laid his beloved Yeul down to rest in the clear blue waters of Valhalla. Only moments ago he had seen her smiling, and laughing, yet the cursed fate of the Seeress had to take that all away from him. Caius grasped the dissipating orange mist between his fingers, if only to keep her with him for just a bit longer. "This eternity—it was never your desire. Is that not so, Yeul?"

In a fiery rage Caius unleashed an army of winged beasts from the water's depths and smiled wickedly. "Warrior Goddess," he said, giving Lightning a challenging glare and unsheathing his sword. "Now we cross swords!"

Lightning smirked and reached to her side, unleashing her own blade of pure angelic white. She was prepared to lunge forward, but paused when she noticed the mysterious cloud of white feathers that seemed to sprout from the tip of her sword.

She stopped, looked down at her right, and gasped at the sight of a dead pigeon lying on the ground. Almost all of his feathers were completely knocked off by Lightning's devastating blow, and the poor creature's tongue hung out of its mouth limply.

Caius, though probably a few hundreds of yards away, saw absolutely everything and stared at Lightning in horror. "Y-You killed it!" he gasped, taking a step back.

Lightning dropped her sword and bent down, pressing her ear against the poor creature's heart. "Oh dear…" she murmured.

* * *

_STILL Valhalla: ? AF…  
_Using her shield, Lightning plowed her way through Caius's defenses, just as she was going to plow her way through to victory if it meant saving the world. But she knew that there was only one other person who could help her achieve this goal. "Serah…" she whispered.

Noel gasped as he saw the woman's incomparable amount of power in battle. "Time to go!" he cried, turning around and leaping over the edge of the building, towards the gleaming gate down below.

Lightning took one moment to glance behind her and watch the young man fly towards the gate of time…empty-handed.

"Uh-oh...Hey, I think I forgot to tell you! You need an artifact to open the—"

_CRASH!_

"—gate…" muttered Lightning, taking her eyes away from the flattened hunter lying at the base of the time gate.

* * *

_New Bodhum: 003 AF…  
_Shards of light suddenly rained down from the sky and slayed the creatures in front of her. Serah gasped, and glanced up towards the source. Standing on one of the highest points of New Bodhum stood a mysterious man with a bow slung across his shoulder.

"You want her? Then you're going to have to go through me!" shouted Noel. He leapt down from the building top and landed on his feet with surprising poise, only a foot away from Serah. "Get up Serah!"

Serah's eyes opened wide with recognition. "You were in my dream! I saw you!" she blurted out.

Noel suddenly froze and narrowed his eyes. "Wait…what?" he said, turning towards her.

Serah faltered for a moment, then resumed, "I saw you in my dream," she said.

Extremely creeped out, the young man took a step away from Serah and shifted around uncomfortably. "Okay…you do realize that that's very creepy, right?"

Serah blushed bright red and hung her head. "Yeah…I know," she whispered, suddenly beginning to fiddle furiously with her hair band.

* * *

_Flashback at the Base of the Pillar…  
_Serah grabbed Snow by the hand and dragged him over to where Lightning had stood next to Hope, but when she got there, there was nobody there.

Serah's eyes widened with worry and her lip quivered as Hope stepped forward, holding Lightning's birthday present in his hand. "It's her knife. I found it near the base of the pillar," he said.

Serah slowly took it and examined it closely. She whirled around to face her fiancé. "Snow…" she began.

Snow sighed and shook his head. "Serah, I'm sorry," he began. "She must be inside the pillar. Lightning's holding up Cocoon, along with Vanille and Fang."

Serah grasped his arm tightly. "Wait, what are you talking about? She was right here a second ago! I saw her. We talked. She gave us her blessing…"

Snow giggled. "Yeah, okay, suuuure she did," he said, raising his eyebrows and grinning.

Serah took her hands away from her eyes and ceased her crying. "B-But she was! I swear!"

Sazh bounced his son on his shoulders and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because it's _completely_ possible to be standing here talking to you one second, and then to disappear without a trace."

Hope smiled maliciously and scrunched his hair all over on one side like a side ponytail. "Look, I'm Serah Farron!" he proclaimed in the squeakiest voice he could, "and I'm CRAZY!"

Serah sniffled. "I am not!" she whined.

Snow gave a final chuckle and stroked Serah's chin. "Ah, you're so cute when you make things up!" he said. And with that, the four of them waltzed away into the sunset while poor Serah was left by herself.

* * *

_Bresha Ruins: 005 AF  
_"This is it! This is the place!" cried Alyssa as she stood before the gravestone. She sank down to her knees and, with a wavering hand, went down the list of names.

She gasped, but then took a breath out in relief. "I thought I might be…But that's not my name."

"Then who's is it?" asked Serah.

Alyssa cast her eyes to the ground in despair. "It's my friend's. She died here, running from the Purge."

Serah leaned down as nonchalantly as she could and craned her neck to see where Alyssa had been pointing.

HERE LIES GOLDY, THE GOLDFISH  
R.I.P.

"Oh…" said Serah, giving Alyssa an awkward pat on the back.

* * *

_The Coliseum: ? AF….  
_Serah and Noel entered upon the dark void that was the Coliseum and looked around in awe. Out of nowhere a voice boomed:

"_Travelers of the Void Beyond. What are you seeking in this blood-stained place of war?"_

"Who said that?" said Serah.

"That guy!" shouted Noel, pointing at the mysterious mass of black shadows above them. It spoke again:

"_My domain exists outside the realm of ages. It is unseen and unknown, beyond life and death. Until the day the bell of the goddess tolls, this realm welcomes not the living. Begone from here—"_

Noel crossed his arms across his chest. "Or what?" he challenged.

"…_Or what? …Huh…No one's ever asked that before…umm…"_

Noel waved his arm. "Pfft, you're not even worth our time!" he shouted.

"_Umm…no, wait! I've got it! Leave, or…I shall destroy time and space itself!"_

Serah shrugged her shoulders. "That's already happening," she stated simply.

"_Really? It is? Oh, alright then…leave, or I shall take away everything you mortals hold dear!"_

Serah shook her head. "Nope, that's already happening too," she said, her shoulders drooping as she said it.

"_Shoot…okay…I'll give you all…lice?"_

"You don't even have any hair!" shouted Serah, stomping her foot. The two began to leave.

"_Hey, hold on a second! Guys…guys, c'mon, just give me a minute to think about this…!"_

* * *

_Sunleth Waterscap: 300 AF….  
_Snow's engagement necklace fell to the earth with a small jingle. Serah stooped down and picked it up carefully, as if it too would disappear. "Why did he have the brand?" wept Serah, clutching the necklace tightly to her chest. "Who made Snow a l'Cie? Why?"

"He might not have been forced. Maybe it was something he asked for," Noel replied.

Serah glared at him with anger. "Not in a million years! Who would be insane and stupid enough to do that?" she scorned.

Noel contemplated that for a moment, then raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Snow."

Serah opened her mouth in protest, closed it, then gave up and shrugged in agreement.

* * *

_In the Middle of Time and Space…._

"Serah!" Noel screamed, being carried away. Serah shrieked, plunging into the shining abyss ahead of her.

"_I'm sorry. But in the new future that you wish to build, I no longer exist. Good-bye."_

"What'd you say?" said Hope.

"Huh?!" Alyssa jumped nearly 10 feet in the air in surprise. "Director! I-I wasn't saying anything…"

Hope narrowed his eyes. "Yes, you were, I just heard you. Who were you talking to…?"

"No one! Yup! Absolutely no one at all! Zip! Zilch! Nada! Zero! Who wants lunch!?" With a sudden appetite, the sweaty and nervous Alyssa Zaidelle bolted in the opposite direction, leaving Hope to himself.

* * *

_Void Beyond: ? AF….  
_Serah struggled to get up from Caius's blow. "No, I don't believe you. Noel would never give in to you!"

Caius smirked and closed his eyes in content. Serah, seizing her chance, pulled back her arrow and fired. But only a second before the arrow met its target, Caius opened his eyes, and seized the flow of time itself, pausing Serah in mid-battle-stance.

The evil man hopped down from his perch and approached Serah. "Child of miracles. Traveler of time, guided by Etro. Listen to me." He stopped right next to the young woman and reached his hand out towards her face. "Each time you fulfill a wish of your heart, someone else's dream is shattered—"

Serah leapt backwards in disgust, wiping her chin. "Ugh, did you…did you just stroke my chin?!" she cried.

Caius scowled in annoyance and confusion. "H-How did you do that? I froze time completely, you shouldn't be able to move—!"

Serah whipped a handkerchief out of her pocket and used it to practically scrape the residue of his fingerprints off her face. "Eww…and your hands smell so weird, too!" she moaned. She suddenly collapsed on the floor in a pool of tears. "And I'm engaged, too! What will Snow think?!"

Caius staggered backwards. "Hey, wait a second! It wasn't meant as _that_ kind of stroke, it was more of evil, dramatic kind of stroke…don't get the wrong idea…!"

* * *

_New Bodhum: 700 AF….  
_Lightning strode out of the shining portal elegantly before Serah and Noel, looking radiant as ever.

Serah gasped. "Lightning? What are you doing here!?" she said.

"This is a future that I could not save," replied Lightning, gazing sorrowfully off into the distance.

"Is that really you, Lightning?"

Lightning furrowed her brow. "Do you doubt me?" she asked. When seeing Serah's look of sadness, Lightning tossed her head and smiled. "No, it's good to doubt. You're growing up."

Serah smiled with relief. "I knew it. It is you, isn't it? I've been looking everywhere for you! Where have you been? What was that dream you made me see? Why did you make me come out here?"

Lightning scowled. "I've been stuck in a dead universe beyond time for two years, waiting for the day when you would come and help me out, and NOW that we're finally together all you can do is ask me dumb questions?!" she asked, sneering.

Serah hung her head and sniffed, knowing the error of her ways. "Lightning…"

"Tch!" Lightning folded her arms across her chest and turned away. "Worst reunion ever!" she exclaimed. Noel decided to shut up for once.

* * *

_The Ending….  
_Serah and Noel drifted down from the sky gently, as if the goddess herself was cradling them towards a safe landing. An airship down below flew into view.

"Hey, look! The heroes are back!" shouted Sazh over the ship's intercom.

"It's Sazh!" exclaimed Noel in happiness. He landed on the ship's hull with surprising grace and slapped the metal with the palm of his hand. "Nice catch!"

Sazh laughed. "Welcome home!"

Noel nodded. "Thanks," he replied. He looked up and saw Serah coming his way. He held out his hand, "Gotcha," he said.

Sarah reached out her own hand, and was just about to grasp onto his when a huge gust of wind came blustering by, knocking Sarah in the opposite direction and sending her crashing downwards towards the hills with a scream.

"Woops," Noel chuckled nervously, hoping that no one else saw that.

* * *

**And thus, they all lived happily ever after! ...Well, most of them did...**

**R/R! Do it for the goddess! Actually, she's dead now, so...do it for all the scarred children who had to suffer through Caius's chin-stroking! O.O**


End file.
